How Do You Know Someone Is Reliabel
The Psychology of Existence Reliable
I was late a couple of times recently, and I didn't similar it.
Being reliable is i of the well-nigh valued traits in a person. Put simply, being reliable means that if y'all say you lot will do something, you will do it. People who tin be trusted to follow through in the little things are the people we trust with the bigger things.
When you tell someone that you'll exist somewhere at a specific time, they should know that you'll be there past that fourth dimension and non a second later. For relaxed personalities like mine, it's tempting to brush off timeliness as relatively unimportant. What's a few minutes or even a half hr? Information technology's non a big deal.
Or is it?
Nosotros don't just schedule things with others, nosotros program to exercise things ourselves. Reliability is the difference between living how you desire to live and being dominated by your whims and bad habits. When y'all plan to do something, tin can nosotros consider it done or volition we have to wait and see if yous're in the right mood or motivated enough to practice information technology?
The Rippling Touch of Unreliability
Unreliability hits hardest in the mind, abroad from related events. If y'all are unreliable to yourself or others, yous will know information technology. You will feel it. It's the feeling that you don't really have any control over your beliefs. If y'all tin can't be on fourth dimension to a simple Wednesday appointment, how are you always going to go far shape, straight movies, or be a great parent, friend, or spouse?
Missing appointments, rescheduling at the last minute, making promises that you have to alibi later, and beingness known as the person who's always late can ripple negatively into your life. It's all virtually trust.
#1: Unspecific Expectations Cripple Your Intention (Your Most Powerful Weapon)
To be reliable, you must know exactly what is expected of you (whether the expectation is from yourself or others or both). Sometimes, when people say they're meeting at six:30 to watch a movie, the expectation is to show up whenever, mingle for a bit, and outset the picture at 7:00 or fifty-fifty later on. Other times, the flick is starting right at that fourth dimension and yous'd better exist there or you lot'll miss the previews!
In the aforementioned way, if you gear up a goal to exercise today, you need to exist very specific most what constitutes exercise.You tin't intentionally work out unless you know what working out is. Is it a mini habit? Is it a minimum time of one hour? Whatever it is, you need to define exactly what yous expect from yourself in guild to exist reliable. It's uncomfortable at first to go extremely specific near what you lot look subsequently beingness and so nonchalant for so long, just when you make the switch, you lot gain a superpower.
At that place'due south a superpower called intention. Intention is a superpower because it cuts through excuses. If yous specifically intend to practice the electric slide in your room at exactly five:22 PM PST tomorrow night, then it's a LOT more hard to explain your way out of it, because general excuses don't work against specific targets. "I was tired" seems awfully weak against such an explicit target, doesn't it? And all the same, that excuse seems acceptable for more coincidental intentions like, "I'll go dancing tomorrow night."
Specific intentions don't but kill excuses, they are the reason you practise anything. If you don't specifically define your aim, then information technology'south similar an archer maxim, "I'thou going to kind of aim near one of those 15 or so targets in the general expanse quondam." Is that the guy you want protecting your castle?
Setting your target so precisely lets you lot set up your arrow to strike it exactly. Nosotros all understand the concept of archers improving their accurateness, and so information technology should be heady to understand that the aforementioned concept applies to setting specific intentions. The moment y'all ascertain and commit to hit a single bulls-middle, your brain begins contrary applied science your way to success, and over time, it gets ameliorate at this procedure.
If I need to be in my bed, nether the covers with the lights out at 12:fourteen AM, then I'chiliad naturally going to develop some sort of programme to go everything done before that fourth dimension. But the time needs to be specific and rigid, because any flexibility here ("I'll try going to sleep effectually midnight tonight") is weakness that you tin can and volition stretch to 5 AM (I won't tell you how I know this).
To be reliable means setting specific targets to striking. Reliability means precision.
#2: Inadequate Preparation Results in Severe Compromise
I can't tell you how ironic this is. I started writing this commodity before in the calendar week, and somehow, I had forgotten to write the newsletter but before I needed to ship it. This has 2 lessons in it.
First, I would have had to send a mediocre or extremely curt newsletter considering I wasn't prepared to reliably evangelize it. This is the type of compromise that comes with existence unprepared, and it means that even if you lot desire to be reliable, yous aren't able to exist reliable because you weren't prepared and now you don't have enough time to brand it piece of work.
Have you noticed how people who are late sometimes announced like they're trying harder than anyone else to be on time, yet they are always late? Well, they are trying harder, but they're so ill-prepared to be on time, that they accept no run a risk to be reliable, even if they want to be.
Being prepared ways that you know what yous need in order to attain the task. Know what you demand, and ready specific intentions strategically along the mode to go those things. This is function of reverse engineering science a result as discussed in #i, but it'southward also more than that. It'south existence cognizant that you lot can't motility frontward without certain prerequisites, and planning to get them done.
Examples:
- For me to send this newsletter, I demand to have thought near a topic and judged it worthy of publication, and I need anywhere from two–10 hours to write and polish information technology. This week, I was nigh unprepared, but I was saved past my systems in place for capturing ideas and running with them. I was prepared, but non through my merit, through my systems.
- In the forenoon, most people need to groom themselves, which takes time. If someone is belatedly, they neglected to do this or another prerequisite that they couldn't skip.
- Before bedtime, yous brush your teeth. For such a footling and small task, if you go to yours specific deadline (in bed at 12:05 AM) and you lot haven't met this simple prerequisite, it can really throw you off. It's a slippery slope.
- I have the honor of being a best human at a hymeneals this year. I have a number of things I demand to prepare for, and I can't leave them up until the last minute or I'll exist the worst all-time man. I want to exist the best all-time human being!
#3: Sudden Demands Freak Out the Brain
In that location is more than to this ane than y'all might think. I'm not talking most leaving enough time to become ready (as that'due south covered in the prior two). I'm talking most giving yourself a mental buffer when needed.
Mel Robbins wrote a bestselling book called "The 5 2nd Rule," which I believe is basically counting down from v and then doing something. I also wrote a post well-nigh how a x-second countdown can defeat procrastination. The specific timing of a inaugural matters some, but it isn't equally important as the concept behind it.
The reason Mel's book became a hitting and my post was shared over 5,000 times on Medium is because it works. Giving yourself a inaugural non only provides greater immediacy of intent, information technology too gives yous a slight buffer between decision and action. Let me rephrase that — it requite you a buffer between obligation and action.
Obligation is what you feel the moment you're on the hook for something. If you lot're not set up for information technology, obligation feels like dread. You've said that yous will practise XYZ, and now it's time to come through. This is how I feel when I accept to become up early in the morning because of a commitment, because I am Non a morning person (in case you didn't go that hint earlier).
Picture it: I'one thousand in bed, the bed feels nice, and I don't unremarkably have to get upward at any specific time, just stupid yesterday Stephen said he'd be at that place this morning. Now I feel the obligation of a prior commitment, and my groggy brain is throwing all kinds of excuses at me. Tell them you lot feel under the weather. Tell them y'all are swamped with work. Do any you lot can to cancel, because sleep is life, bro. My brain is an idiot, only I have no option B.
This is a primal moment, and I've found it extremely difficult to consistently pick the best choice, which is to stick to the delivery I made. (If I tin can't see a delivery, I shouldn't make information technology.) The inaugural is one of the about effective means I've found to get up when I don't want to do it.
Given the "Lamentable I'one thousand late" chain reaction that will occur if I don't become out of bed with plenty time to prepare, being able to forcefulness action is paramount for reliability. The countdown works considering it doesn't startle your brain. When I try to order my brain to become upward in the morning, information technology'south goes like this…
Me: "I have to go up right now. I have an appointment."
Brain: "What?! Hey, easy dude! You slurred so much I couldn't fifty-fifty understand you. Whatsoever y'all said, you lot aren't in any status to be making decisions. Just sleep for a minute or two and try again."
*15 minutes later*
Me: "Oh no! I'g really running late now. I don't even have time for a full shave. I'll have to use the trimmer or something. But I must go upwardly now."
Brain: "You lot tin probably stretch information technology 5 more minutes. If not, traffic was horrible. I mean, information technology's really bad out there."
Me: "You're so smart when I'k drunk-tired."
See how my brain was a deceptive and smooth manipulator up at that place? That whole thing was triggered because I put a gun to its head. (This analogy is getting confusing. Does my brain take its ain head? I digress.) Here'due south the amend way to do it.
Me: "Look, I have to go upwardly shortly, then I'one thousand going to count downward from 10 and when I reach nothing, I'm going to put my feet on the floor."
Brain: "Oh, interesting. Um…
Me: "nine…8….vii"
Brain: "But uh… Slee–"
Me: "five…four…."
Brain: "Oh $#@$, I better prepare myself for this."
Me: "Zero."
Brain: "Well played."
Me: "I feel similar several tanks ran over my body as I slept, but I'1000 up and zombieing over to the shower. Cool. I'm going to be on time today."
Quick Epitomize
Reliability is 1 of the most important skills yous tin can develop. It will bring you more success and happiness in business organization and relationships. Just think about how skilful information technology feels for something to think they can trust you lot with of import things compared to how bad information technology feels to not be trusted. That tells yous all you lot need to know.
To exist reliable…
- Always prepare abrupt, clear, potent, iron-clad, FDA-approved, and specific intentions. Prepare the time (to the minute), the location (to the room), and the expectation (to the unit). Leave no question marks, unless they are a part of the expectation. A mini addiction for example, is to exercise one push-up, only yous can always do more. The cadre expectation is ane, and that is your target to hitting. Anything else is a bonus. That's what makes mini habits the greatest system e'er!
- Know what must be washed start to enable you to meet your intentions when the fourth dimension comes. If y'all must give a spoken language well-nigh pottery at iii PM today, you lot must showtime learn virtually pottery! This ways, in order to be reliable, you lot demand to read a book about pottery. That's a strange, simply accurate way to think about reliability. Reliability is often (only not always!) more than than simply showing up.
- To give your brain a adventure to procedure and ease into your obligation, utilize a 10-second inaugural. If you are to give a speech and experience every bit nervous as Jimmy does before asking Beth to the prom, allow yourself to feel the fear and fretfulness for 10 seconds and begin the inaugural. If y'all're trying to leave of bed, beginning the inaugural. If you know you should go, but are tempted to make an excuse and be unreliable, start the countdown.
Now get, and be reliable. I'm counting on y'all!
Originally published on StephenGuise.com.
Source: https://medium.com/the-beta-mode/the-psychology-of-being-reliable-a453c8819fcb
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